One year ago today - 10/28
It’s been one year since the surgery that changed everything for the second time in less than 6 months.
This week has been really hard as I have come to the point where I’ve realized that the doctors have done all they can do and are now managing symptoms to the best they know how. It’s been really hard to not fall into disillusionment and despair.
I realized I started sinking in the waves again. Last night it came to a head as I was trying to sleep. I just let loose on God - we all know how that goes. After a few minutes, I started to remember we are still blessed in many ways, but this is still supremely unfair to Isobel, in my eyes. I just released all my pent-up feelings to God. How I feel as much as I’ve grown closer to Him, I feel that on the topic of Isobel, He has been silent. As I kept going and releasing my hurts to Him, I started to feel His peace and I realized there was a song playing in my head. I wasn’t really paying attention at first, but then I honed in on the lyrics and it was a Big Daddy Weave
song and the lyrics that were playing over and over in my head were, “This is not the end, it’s only the beginning”.
Wow! God doesn’t owe me an explanation for anything, but I am so grateful that He, in his mercy, gave me that piece of grace to remind me that He is in this with us and that he hasn’t abandoned Isobel. He does hear our prayers, pleas, and he can handle our crazy feelings and He wants us to bring them all to Him and leave them with Him.
So today could have been one of the worst days; one where I could choose to remember all that went wrong and wondering why, or thinking about all the things she should be doing right now, but I was able to choose to hold onto the merciful words that God shared with me and continue to trust in His plan. He restored hope to me. Hebrews 11:1 states “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.”
Tonight, my husband put on a sermon for Isobel to listen to and in it, the entire Serenity Prayer, which I have never heard in its entirety but is so powerful, was read and I decided to share it with you.
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